Bed Rest is no fun

I stayed in the hospital until I made it to 34 weeks, which was this past Monday.  I was discharged on Monday and allowed to go home on bed rest. I'm allowed to go down the stairs once a day and come back up once a day.  I spend the rest of the day on the couch, getting up only to get a pre made drink or snack out of the refrigerator or to use the restroom. My MD appointment on Thursday revealed no changes in dilation. Doc said that if I make it to 36 weeks, I can resume all normal activity except work. If there are no babies at 37 weeks, then we induce. She did say she didn't think I would last two more weeks. They also said I wouldn't make it to 34, so I have no expectations of going anywhere before the 36 week mark.

32 weeks and life comes to a screeching halt

I went to my OB's office for my regular 32 week check on these two little pumpkins.  It was ultrasound time again (I had been getting an ultrasound every 4 weeks with this pregnancy to check growth and development of these babies).  David didn't really get to see much of the 20 week ultrasound because we took Livvie with us to see her baby brothers or sisters, and she couldn't sit still long enough for David to really pay attention; so I told him that this was the last ultrasound that I could really guarantee that I'd be going to, and asked if he would like to come.  He came with me to see that these two little peanuts are growing wonderfully. Their approximate weights were 4lb 5oz for baby A, and 4lb 6oz for baby B.  You could see both babies practicing their breathing because their diaphragms were moving. It was really cool to see.

After the ultrasound, David went back to the waiting room and they took me back for the OB part of my appointment. Even though I was only 32 weeks, with two babies, the uterus is stretched to a point where it feels like it's 35 or 36 weeks, so that meant it was time for cervical checks. The NP came in, and we started talking about my blood sugar readings over the last 2 weeks. I wasn't particularly happy about them, I felt they were creeping up to a higher point than my usual normal, so we discussed changing the testing frequency from twice a day to four times a day and seeing if we can find any trends. We discussed potentially adding Glyburide at bedtime to help control the fasting blood sugars, but that would mean having to come in to the office twice a week for checks and non-stress tests. I said I wouldn't be overly thrilled at that idea, since it's already difficult to leave work once a week to come in, much less having to do that twice a week.  So we decided to give it another week, check sugars four times a day, and call the numbers in to the nurse and go from there.  Having that plan in place, NP asks me to lie back and she'll check my cervix.  That's when life stopped for me. 

NP checks my cervix, look at me, and asks if I've been having any contractions.  i told her that I had  been having what I classified as Braxton-Hicks contractions for several days, and I did have one true contraction the day before where I had to start my timer, but nothing after that, and really nothing since then.  Then she says, You're 4 cm dilated, and one contraction didn't get you there, so I think that what you think are B-H contractions are really the real deal.  We have to change our whole plan of attack.  I sat up and asked her what she was thinking, and she said, I'm going to have to admit you.  What?!  My heart and mind began racing as I conjured images of babies in the NICU with tubes everywhere fighting to survive and I wanted to cry.  I had to physically force myself to settle down and actively pay attention to what NP was telling me.  She said she didn't think I would be leaving the hospital without delivering some babies; she was also quick to reassure me that given the measurements and results we got from the ultrasound earlier, she was not worried about survival. The babies would survive if they were born now, but they would have to spend some time in NICU to work on their breathing and feeding.  She said when I got to the hospital, they would give me two doses of steroid, 24 hours apart, to help the babies' lungs mature.  They would then put me on monitors to see how often my contractions were occurring, and then see if I needed any medication to help stop those contractions.  I asked her how emergent this admission was; did I have to go directly to the hospital from the office, or could I go home and finish packing the bag I had about halfway done and park my car. She said, go home and pack, park your car, and have your husband take you to the hospital. But I will be calling them now and letting them know you are on your way.

Needless to say, I don't remember the drive home.  I know I called work to let them know what was happening, and they would need to find someone to cover my shift the next day. When we got home, I went upstairs, took a couple of deep breaths and tried to focus on what was already in my bag and what I still needed.  I remain impressed with myself that I didn't forget anything important.  When we got to the hospital, they checked me in and showed me to my room. After that, things happened pretty quickly. I was given the first shot of steroid in my hip, had a dinner tray, got put on the monitors for the babies and my contractions, had my IV started, and was placed on a magnesium drip to try to slow or stop my contractions, which at that point were coming every 2 to 4 minutes.  They checked my cervix again, and did not note any change in dilation.

After being on the monitors for a while, the OB resident came back in and said that they've changed their minds on the steroids since my contractions were coming so frequently, and they were going to give me the second dose in 12 hours instead of 24 hours.  Not surprisingly, I did not sleep well the first night. Between the contractions, the monitors slipping every time I changed position, and having to call a nurse every 2 hours so I could be unhooked to go to the bathroom, I think I slept no more than 2 hours at a stretch, and probably no more than 5 hours total.  

The rest of the weekend passed by uneventfully; I got the second dose of steroids, finished up the magnesium drip, and made it to 33 weeks.  I'm still having contractions, but not nearly as frequently or as strong as when I got here.  The doctors still haven't made up their minds yet on whether I will remain in the hospital until delivery or go home on bed rest.  Either way, I'm done with work until after my maternity leave is over.  I am hoping to go home, but I will do whatever the doctors think is necessary.  I don't care as long as my two pumpkins are born healthy.

I feel like this experience has been a wake up call for me.  With my first pregnancy, I worked up until the day I delivered, and had no issues.  I think I naively convinced myself that this pregnancy was exactly the same, just with two babies instead of one, and I could keep go go going just like last time and I wouldn't need to slow down.  Being told that you're in premature labor and have a very high probability of delivering two babies 4 or 5 weeks before they were supposed to be here is the wake up call that I apparently needed to finally throw in my towel and say, yes I do need to slow down, and yes I do need some help.  I'm just glad to be able to say that as of this morning, I am still pregnant and currently 33 weeks and 1 day.  We are taking things one day at a time.  My goal is to make it to next Monday, which will be 34 weeks.

Oh Baby...Baby!!

Back in the late summer, David and I decided to give IVF another go in the fall.  We met with Dr. A again in September and got our instructions for Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET).  Upside to FET:  no injectable medications!  I started my oral medication in the beginning of October.  I went to have my blood drawn to check my hormone levels to make sure that I had enough hormone in place for a good transfer and that I had not ovulated.  I got a call from the nurse later in the afternoon, and she said that I had ovulated on my own (as a PCOS patient I hardly if ever ovulate...it figures that it would happen this time).  So I stopped the medication and waited for my next Day One.

My next Day One came, and I started the oral medication again.  This time my hormone level check came back with flying colors; all systems were a go for transfer.  FET was scheduled for November 15.  Two days before, our only two remaining embryos would be removed from frozen storage, thawed, and watched overnight to make sure they began growing and developing again.  The afternoon before our transfer, I had not heard anything from the doctor's office.  They had not told us the time of our transfer because they had to make sure everything was developing as it should.  Needless to say, it was nerve wracking not to have any indication whether there would even BE a transfer the next day.  I finally broke down and called the office to inquire about the time for our transfer; I was put on hold, then the nurse came back and said, "sorry about that, your transfer is at 10 a.m." the following day, and proceeded to give me our instructions (come in 30 minutes before your scheduled time, partially full bladder, no perfume or cologne for mom or dad).  During our meetings with Dr. A, he frequently cautioned us that when thawing frozen embryos, there was a 50% chance that one or both embryos would not survive the thawing process.  When I called the office the day before, I purposefully never asked how many embryos we were transferring.  I just figured as long as we were getting to come in the next day, at least one had survived, and that was okay with me.

The next day, we went in to the office, surprisingly much less anxious than the first time around.  I don't know whether it was because we already had one miracle baby in Olivia and knew that achieving pregnancy naturally was a possibility for us, no matter how remote; or whether I just had a feeling that it was meant to be.  Regardless, David and I were very calm and relaxed about the whole pending procedure.  When Dr. A came in, he was practically bouncing:  both embryos had survived thawing and had resumed developing beautifully.  He kept saying how remarkable this cycle was because very rarely do the last two embryos in storage both survive to implantation.  After hearing this, I just felt in my heart that we were going to be blessed.  These two embryos did not both survive the thaw process for nothing; they were going to join their big sister as our newest miracles and we were going to be a family of 5.

The next two weeks between implantation and the pregnancy test were difficult, nearly as nerve wracking as last time.  I had a really good feeling this time around; I had not had any spotting or bleeding like the last time.  When the day came to get my blood drawn, I debated taking a home pregnancy test.  In the end, I decided not to; the lab technician who drew my blood asked whether I took a test, I told her I really thought about it, but in the end I would rather live in denial a little while longer before I heard any news either way.  I didn't want one of those infernal sticks to tell me "no" yet again.  She asked me how I was feeling; I told her I was a little queasy, I didn't know if it was hormones or anxiety, but I was hoping hormones.  The nurse called me later at work with the results:  positive!  Beta-HCG and progesterone were looking good.  I was to continue medications and come back in two weeks for an ultrasound (December 17).

Two weeks came and went, and David and I took Olivia to see how many brothers and/or sisters she was getting.  Dr. A said, "I see something interesting.  I see two interesting somethings."  Twins!  We were given a due date of August 5, although it is common with twins to deliver up to a month early; any time after the 4th of July would be considered normal.  We gave this news to our families as a Christmas gift.  This was confirmed two weeks later on December 31.

So this new year, our little family of 3 will turn into a family of 5.  We're very excited; Liv cannot wait for her baby brothers or sisters to get here so she can feed them bottles, give them baths, and play with their toys.  We find out next month what we are having.  I am hoping we get one of each; I would love to have a boy, and I have so many super cute girl clothes that Livvie hardly ever got to wear.  I had a dream, though, that there were two girls in there.  We will see in 4 weeks' time.

Livvie-isms

Olivia's at such a fun and hilarious stage right now.  She's learning new words and phrases every day, and her little brain's wheels are turning from the moment she wakes up until she lays her head down at night.  At the insistent advice of my mother, who says I should write everything down that she says, I decided to devote the next posts of the blog to what I like to call "Livvie-isms".

4/19/12 (18 months) - I was sitting in the living room reading a book, and Livvie was playing in her playroom.  I sneezed, and I heard a little voice in the next room say "Bless you Mommy."

4/29/12 (18 months) - Olivia and I went to Old Navy and got Livvie her first pair of flip flops.  She spent the rest of the day taking her "sloppa slops" on and off.

5/20/12 (19 months) - Olivia offers "knuckles" at the Sign of Peace during Sunday Mass.  In the same Mass, after Communion & during quiet meditation, Livvie says (quite loudly), "All done!  Bye bye Jesus!"

5/22/12 (19 months) - Olivia talks all about the animals she saw at the "Oo" (Zoo).

Happy Mommy's Day

Yesterday was a wonderful Mother's Day.  Livvie gave me a card that she picked out herself.  David said she wanted to get Mommy the "doggie card".  The grandmothers and aunts came to our house for dinner, and it was great having everyone together.

In other news, I'm starting to suffer from baby fever again.  I don't want to experience the envy again.  I didn't like myself the last time as I envied friends and family members their seemingly easy attempts to get pregnant.  We're not even really "trying" at this point, so I don't know why I'm feeling this way all over again.  My baby girl is so much fun, she's not yet 2, and I don't know why I feel as though my clock is ticking again.  I do know that I want her to be a big sister, but I'm also enjoying this "only child" one-on-one time with her.

Happy New Year

Every once in a while, I will go back to the very first post and reread our journey. I haven't forgotten a single step in the process, but sometimes it's nice to go back and remember just how we felt each step of the way. I went back this morning and realized that it has been 3 years since we actively started pursuing our family dream. Today, we have a healthy, happy, beautiful 15 month old girl that has completely captured our love and attention.

I have been thinking a lot recently about our frozen embryos in storage. They will have been frozen for 3 years this coming August. The last I heard from our fertility specialists, frozen embryos are viable for 5 years. I realize that they are not even halfway to that point yet, but sometimes I find myself worrying that time will get away from us and we'll not get to those embryos before they have to be destroyed. David and I decided from the outset of our IVF journey that no one would be left behind. We chose to freeze the two remaining embryos and have every intention of going back for a frozen transfer cycle before they expire.

We have been discussing recently about when would be a good time to start working on baby #2. I keep going back and thinking about those embryos. I feel as though we need to give them a chance first, then explore other options if we need to. Maybe we'll go back for the transfer some time this summer. If the transfer is successful, our children will be almost 3 years apart (a nice space, I think). If it's not successful, then maybe we'll get a repeat of our first miracle. Only time will tell.

You're good to grow, so count the candles and blow...

Dear Olivia,

What a crazily wonderful year it has been. We have learned a lot about ourselves and each other in the last 365 days. There have been challenges, surprises, laughter and tears, and I would not trade any one of them. I can't believe how quickly the time has passed. You have gone from completely dependent on Daddy and me for everything to survive; you're now crawling, cruising, taking your first steps, and speaking your first words.

The first year was full of so many firsts. I cannot wait to see what the second year holds.

Happy Happy Birthday to you my sweet Livvie Bear!

Love, Mommy