Bed Rest is no fun

I stayed in the hospital until I made it to 34 weeks, which was this past Monday.  I was discharged on Monday and allowed to go home on bed rest. I'm allowed to go down the stairs once a day and come back up once a day.  I spend the rest of the day on the couch, getting up only to get a pre made drink or snack out of the refrigerator or to use the restroom. My MD appointment on Thursday revealed no changes in dilation. Doc said that if I make it to 36 weeks, I can resume all normal activity except work. If there are no babies at 37 weeks, then we induce. She did say she didn't think I would last two more weeks. They also said I wouldn't make it to 34, so I have no expectations of going anywhere before the 36 week mark.

32 weeks and life comes to a screeching halt

I went to my OB's office for my regular 32 week check on these two little pumpkins.  It was ultrasound time again (I had been getting an ultrasound every 4 weeks with this pregnancy to check growth and development of these babies).  David didn't really get to see much of the 20 week ultrasound because we took Livvie with us to see her baby brothers or sisters, and she couldn't sit still long enough for David to really pay attention; so I told him that this was the last ultrasound that I could really guarantee that I'd be going to, and asked if he would like to come.  He came with me to see that these two little peanuts are growing wonderfully. Their approximate weights were 4lb 5oz for baby A, and 4lb 6oz for baby B.  You could see both babies practicing their breathing because their diaphragms were moving. It was really cool to see.

After the ultrasound, David went back to the waiting room and they took me back for the OB part of my appointment. Even though I was only 32 weeks, with two babies, the uterus is stretched to a point where it feels like it's 35 or 36 weeks, so that meant it was time for cervical checks. The NP came in, and we started talking about my blood sugar readings over the last 2 weeks. I wasn't particularly happy about them, I felt they were creeping up to a higher point than my usual normal, so we discussed changing the testing frequency from twice a day to four times a day and seeing if we can find any trends. We discussed potentially adding Glyburide at bedtime to help control the fasting blood sugars, but that would mean having to come in to the office twice a week for checks and non-stress tests. I said I wouldn't be overly thrilled at that idea, since it's already difficult to leave work once a week to come in, much less having to do that twice a week.  So we decided to give it another week, check sugars four times a day, and call the numbers in to the nurse and go from there.  Having that plan in place, NP asks me to lie back and she'll check my cervix.  That's when life stopped for me. 

NP checks my cervix, look at me, and asks if I've been having any contractions.  i told her that I had  been having what I classified as Braxton-Hicks contractions for several days, and I did have one true contraction the day before where I had to start my timer, but nothing after that, and really nothing since then.  Then she says, You're 4 cm dilated, and one contraction didn't get you there, so I think that what you think are B-H contractions are really the real deal.  We have to change our whole plan of attack.  I sat up and asked her what she was thinking, and she said, I'm going to have to admit you.  What?!  My heart and mind began racing as I conjured images of babies in the NICU with tubes everywhere fighting to survive and I wanted to cry.  I had to physically force myself to settle down and actively pay attention to what NP was telling me.  She said she didn't think I would be leaving the hospital without delivering some babies; she was also quick to reassure me that given the measurements and results we got from the ultrasound earlier, she was not worried about survival. The babies would survive if they were born now, but they would have to spend some time in NICU to work on their breathing and feeding.  She said when I got to the hospital, they would give me two doses of steroid, 24 hours apart, to help the babies' lungs mature.  They would then put me on monitors to see how often my contractions were occurring, and then see if I needed any medication to help stop those contractions.  I asked her how emergent this admission was; did I have to go directly to the hospital from the office, or could I go home and finish packing the bag I had about halfway done and park my car. She said, go home and pack, park your car, and have your husband take you to the hospital. But I will be calling them now and letting them know you are on your way.

Needless to say, I don't remember the drive home.  I know I called work to let them know what was happening, and they would need to find someone to cover my shift the next day. When we got home, I went upstairs, took a couple of deep breaths and tried to focus on what was already in my bag and what I still needed.  I remain impressed with myself that I didn't forget anything important.  When we got to the hospital, they checked me in and showed me to my room. After that, things happened pretty quickly. I was given the first shot of steroid in my hip, had a dinner tray, got put on the monitors for the babies and my contractions, had my IV started, and was placed on a magnesium drip to try to slow or stop my contractions, which at that point were coming every 2 to 4 minutes.  They checked my cervix again, and did not note any change in dilation.

After being on the monitors for a while, the OB resident came back in and said that they've changed their minds on the steroids since my contractions were coming so frequently, and they were going to give me the second dose in 12 hours instead of 24 hours.  Not surprisingly, I did not sleep well the first night. Between the contractions, the monitors slipping every time I changed position, and having to call a nurse every 2 hours so I could be unhooked to go to the bathroom, I think I slept no more than 2 hours at a stretch, and probably no more than 5 hours total.  

The rest of the weekend passed by uneventfully; I got the second dose of steroids, finished up the magnesium drip, and made it to 33 weeks.  I'm still having contractions, but not nearly as frequently or as strong as when I got here.  The doctors still haven't made up their minds yet on whether I will remain in the hospital until delivery or go home on bed rest.  Either way, I'm done with work until after my maternity leave is over.  I am hoping to go home, but I will do whatever the doctors think is necessary.  I don't care as long as my two pumpkins are born healthy.

I feel like this experience has been a wake up call for me.  With my first pregnancy, I worked up until the day I delivered, and had no issues.  I think I naively convinced myself that this pregnancy was exactly the same, just with two babies instead of one, and I could keep go go going just like last time and I wouldn't need to slow down.  Being told that you're in premature labor and have a very high probability of delivering two babies 4 or 5 weeks before they were supposed to be here is the wake up call that I apparently needed to finally throw in my towel and say, yes I do need to slow down, and yes I do need some help.  I'm just glad to be able to say that as of this morning, I am still pregnant and currently 33 weeks and 1 day.  We are taking things one day at a time.  My goal is to make it to next Monday, which will be 34 weeks.

Oh Baby...Baby!!

Back in the late summer, David and I decided to give IVF another go in the fall.  We met with Dr. A again in September and got our instructions for Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET).  Upside to FET:  no injectable medications!  I started my oral medication in the beginning of October.  I went to have my blood drawn to check my hormone levels to make sure that I had enough hormone in place for a good transfer and that I had not ovulated.  I got a call from the nurse later in the afternoon, and she said that I had ovulated on my own (as a PCOS patient I hardly if ever ovulate...it figures that it would happen this time).  So I stopped the medication and waited for my next Day One.

My next Day One came, and I started the oral medication again.  This time my hormone level check came back with flying colors; all systems were a go for transfer.  FET was scheduled for November 15.  Two days before, our only two remaining embryos would be removed from frozen storage, thawed, and watched overnight to make sure they began growing and developing again.  The afternoon before our transfer, I had not heard anything from the doctor's office.  They had not told us the time of our transfer because they had to make sure everything was developing as it should.  Needless to say, it was nerve wracking not to have any indication whether there would even BE a transfer the next day.  I finally broke down and called the office to inquire about the time for our transfer; I was put on hold, then the nurse came back and said, "sorry about that, your transfer is at 10 a.m." the following day, and proceeded to give me our instructions (come in 30 minutes before your scheduled time, partially full bladder, no perfume or cologne for mom or dad).  During our meetings with Dr. A, he frequently cautioned us that when thawing frozen embryos, there was a 50% chance that one or both embryos would not survive the thawing process.  When I called the office the day before, I purposefully never asked how many embryos we were transferring.  I just figured as long as we were getting to come in the next day, at least one had survived, and that was okay with me.

The next day, we went in to the office, surprisingly much less anxious than the first time around.  I don't know whether it was because we already had one miracle baby in Olivia and knew that achieving pregnancy naturally was a possibility for us, no matter how remote; or whether I just had a feeling that it was meant to be.  Regardless, David and I were very calm and relaxed about the whole pending procedure.  When Dr. A came in, he was practically bouncing:  both embryos had survived thawing and had resumed developing beautifully.  He kept saying how remarkable this cycle was because very rarely do the last two embryos in storage both survive to implantation.  After hearing this, I just felt in my heart that we were going to be blessed.  These two embryos did not both survive the thaw process for nothing; they were going to join their big sister as our newest miracles and we were going to be a family of 5.

The next two weeks between implantation and the pregnancy test were difficult, nearly as nerve wracking as last time.  I had a really good feeling this time around; I had not had any spotting or bleeding like the last time.  When the day came to get my blood drawn, I debated taking a home pregnancy test.  In the end, I decided not to; the lab technician who drew my blood asked whether I took a test, I told her I really thought about it, but in the end I would rather live in denial a little while longer before I heard any news either way.  I didn't want one of those infernal sticks to tell me "no" yet again.  She asked me how I was feeling; I told her I was a little queasy, I didn't know if it was hormones or anxiety, but I was hoping hormones.  The nurse called me later at work with the results:  positive!  Beta-HCG and progesterone were looking good.  I was to continue medications and come back in two weeks for an ultrasound (December 17).

Two weeks came and went, and David and I took Olivia to see how many brothers and/or sisters she was getting.  Dr. A said, "I see something interesting.  I see two interesting somethings."  Twins!  We were given a due date of August 5, although it is common with twins to deliver up to a month early; any time after the 4th of July would be considered normal.  We gave this news to our families as a Christmas gift.  This was confirmed two weeks later on December 31.

So this new year, our little family of 3 will turn into a family of 5.  We're very excited; Liv cannot wait for her baby brothers or sisters to get here so she can feed them bottles, give them baths, and play with their toys.  We find out next month what we are having.  I am hoping we get one of each; I would love to have a boy, and I have so many super cute girl clothes that Livvie hardly ever got to wear.  I had a dream, though, that there were two girls in there.  We will see in 4 weeks' time.

Livvie-isms

Olivia's at such a fun and hilarious stage right now.  She's learning new words and phrases every day, and her little brain's wheels are turning from the moment she wakes up until she lays her head down at night.  At the insistent advice of my mother, who says I should write everything down that she says, I decided to devote the next posts of the blog to what I like to call "Livvie-isms".

4/19/12 (18 months) - I was sitting in the living room reading a book, and Livvie was playing in her playroom.  I sneezed, and I heard a little voice in the next room say "Bless you Mommy."

4/29/12 (18 months) - Olivia and I went to Old Navy and got Livvie her first pair of flip flops.  She spent the rest of the day taking her "sloppa slops" on and off.

5/20/12 (19 months) - Olivia offers "knuckles" at the Sign of Peace during Sunday Mass.  In the same Mass, after Communion & during quiet meditation, Livvie says (quite loudly), "All done!  Bye bye Jesus!"

5/22/12 (19 months) - Olivia talks all about the animals she saw at the "Oo" (Zoo).

Happy Mommy's Day

Yesterday was a wonderful Mother's Day.  Livvie gave me a card that she picked out herself.  David said she wanted to get Mommy the "doggie card".  The grandmothers and aunts came to our house for dinner, and it was great having everyone together.

In other news, I'm starting to suffer from baby fever again.  I don't want to experience the envy again.  I didn't like myself the last time as I envied friends and family members their seemingly easy attempts to get pregnant.  We're not even really "trying" at this point, so I don't know why I'm feeling this way all over again.  My baby girl is so much fun, she's not yet 2, and I don't know why I feel as though my clock is ticking again.  I do know that I want her to be a big sister, but I'm also enjoying this "only child" one-on-one time with her.

Happy New Year

Every once in a while, I will go back to the very first post and reread our journey. I haven't forgotten a single step in the process, but sometimes it's nice to go back and remember just how we felt each step of the way. I went back this morning and realized that it has been 3 years since we actively started pursuing our family dream. Today, we have a healthy, happy, beautiful 15 month old girl that has completely captured our love and attention.

I have been thinking a lot recently about our frozen embryos in storage. They will have been frozen for 3 years this coming August. The last I heard from our fertility specialists, frozen embryos are viable for 5 years. I realize that they are not even halfway to that point yet, but sometimes I find myself worrying that time will get away from us and we'll not get to those embryos before they have to be destroyed. David and I decided from the outset of our IVF journey that no one would be left behind. We chose to freeze the two remaining embryos and have every intention of going back for a frozen transfer cycle before they expire.

We have been discussing recently about when would be a good time to start working on baby #2. I keep going back and thinking about those embryos. I feel as though we need to give them a chance first, then explore other options if we need to. Maybe we'll go back for the transfer some time this summer. If the transfer is successful, our children will be almost 3 years apart (a nice space, I think). If it's not successful, then maybe we'll get a repeat of our first miracle. Only time will tell.

You're good to grow, so count the candles and blow...

Dear Olivia,

What a crazily wonderful year it has been. We have learned a lot about ourselves and each other in the last 365 days. There have been challenges, surprises, laughter and tears, and I would not trade any one of them. I can't believe how quickly the time has passed. You have gone from completely dependent on Daddy and me for everything to survive; you're now crawling, cruising, taking your first steps, and speaking your first words.

The first year was full of so many firsts. I cannot wait to see what the second year holds.

Happy Happy Birthday to you my sweet Livvie Bear!

Love, Mommy

Another Big Week

The countdown to birthday #1 is officially on: T minus 19 days and counting. It's hard to believe that this time last year, I was counting down the days to my due date. I think this time every year will be in count-down mode for the Spaulding family.

Livvie had a big week this week. I was on vacation this week, and it was my major project to get her to sleep in her own bed at every nap time. Since the day we brought her home, Olivia has only slept in her bed 3 or 4 times for naps. Sometimes she slept in her bouncer chair; when she was too big for that, she slept on the couch next to whomever was home watching her that day; 99% of the time she slept on someone's chest. I didn't quite mind her sleeping on my chest at first; I got snuggle time and I got an excuse to take a nap myself. In the past few months, however, we have become painfully aware that we needed a change. She's become so long and so heavy that it has become uncomfortable for her to sleep on us. We have also become concerned that she's almost a year old and not taking naps in her own space. We have not been able to take advantage of baby-free time during the day to get chores done or just have a little adult time. So we decided that since I was going to be home every day with her, this week would be the best week to break the current nap time cycle. We started last Saturday and tried naps in the crib, but Liv was having none of it. Once we passed hour 1 of screaming and crying and throwing loveys and passies out of the crib, we thought we were done for, that we waited too long. Sunday was more of the same. Sunday night, we decided to get the pack 'n play out of the closet and set it up in our room. On Monday, Liv went down in the pack 'n play for both naps successfully. It went on like this for the rest of the week, and as of today, she averages 1 to 2 hours for both morning and afternoon naps up in her pack 'n play. I am so excited! For the first time in 11 months, I have been able to take advantage of nap time to get some much needed work done. I finally installed cabinet locks today; I didn't have to get up at 6 a.m. every morning so that I could get my shower before she woke up for the day, I could take a shower during her morning nap! I am so proud of my little monkey, now we just have to get Grandpa and Nana to follow the plan and it will be a complete success.

Livvie got her first pair of big girl shoes this week. I went to the mall on Wednesday, as well as Kohl's, looking for shoes on my own. No one had the size I thought she needed, so I came home and looked up Stride Rite's website. The more I read, the more I felt that I needed to take her to Stride Rite. My mom had told me I should take her there because they would measure her feet and fit her for the correct pair of shoes for her walking level. Turns out, it was a good thing we took her because she was not in the size I thought she was, and I would have had her in the wrong shoes. I read that back and foot problems later in life can often be attributed to wearing the incorrect shoes as a child. Olivia has a large chance of back problems already due to her family history (my Dad and David's Mom both have degenerative disk disease), so I felt like I needed to do whatever I could to minimize any outside factors.

Lastly, Livvie got her first big-girl haircut today. My Mom had done a couple of trims for her in the past, but she got to go my cousin's salon today and get her hair cut like a big girl. We had quite a bit to put in a baggie when all was said and done. I cannot believe my baby girl is growing up so fast.

2011-07-27

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Ain't no stoppin' us now, we're on the move

Look out...we have a crawling baby on our hands! We're so excited! Livvie's been crawling for a little more than a week now, and you'd think she's been doing it for months at the speed she's going. She started crawling the night before her 9-month check up with the pediatrician. When the NP asked if Livvie was pulling to stand, I said not yet but she literally JUST started crawling. She said not to worry, that Liv would be standing and cruising around the furniture in no time (in fact, she's just started to pull to stand in the last few days).

Olivia's official nine month stats are 30 inches tall and 22 pounds. I was a little concerned because she's bigger than other babies her age and even some that are older. I addressed my concerns with the NP, and she didn't think this was anything to worry about. She's really tall (99th %), and even though she's already over 20 pounds, once she starts to really crawl and walk and move around, she'll use a lot more of that energy and she'll either lose a little weight, or at least she'll not gain as much. We'll wait and see how she is at her one-year check up. She's on track to triple her birth weight (which I read somewhere is the average thing to do).

Growing up too fast

Next Tuesday, Olivia will be 9 months old. I know I say this all the time, but I cannot believe how quickly time has passed. It seems like just yesterday, we were trying everything science could offer to have a child, and now she's on the precipice of toddler-hood. She's my beautiful, good-natured, increasingly independent, infuriatingly stubborn, incredibly funny little drama queen and I wouldn't change one thing about her.

Two weeks ago, we bought the next stage car seat and I have been dragging my feet on installing it. We worked so hard to have our baby, and I'm not ready to admit she's not so much a baby anymore. Yesterday morning, we put her in her infant seat to go to church, and Olivia had to scrunch her shoulders forward so her back would rest against the back of the seat. That was the final straw; it was time to install that new seat. Turns out, size is relative. She looked huge in her infant seat; she now looks tiny in this massive Cadillac of a car seat.

I continue to worry about her crawling progress. She IS progressing; last week she screamed bloody murder when it was tummy time and refused to make any crawling motions or notions. This week, she's up on all fours and propelling herself backwards. She covers a lot of ground this way, as well as scooting around on her hiney. In fact, scooting is her preferred mode of transportation and her Grandpa calls her Scooter. I'm hoping at this rate that next week will find her if not crawling, then nearly doing so. Looking back at her progress in print, I'm not really sure why I am worried; I know I'm not supposed to compare her to other babies or to what the books say. I have to keep reminding myself that the books put out a disclaimer that babies can be 6 to 10 weeks on either side of the week they list as "normal" for a certain milestone and still be considered normal. I also have to keep reminding myself that my stubborn little drama queen will crawl when she's good and ready to crawl. Until then, I am going to enjoy my (relatively) clean and orderly house for a little while longer.

Seven months come and gone

The fastest 7 months in history have passed in record time. Olivia is sitting well on her own, waving, clapping her hands, exerting her independence, and showing her (at times quite dramatic) personality. Her hair is getting lighter, and definitely taking on a reddish hue. She loves to kick and splash in the bathtub -- she protests at getting out of the tub before all the water is gone. She loves all kinds of fruit, squash, and sweet potatoes. Mangoes are her favorite. She gags and makes drama-queen yuck faces at peas, green beans, and carrots. She says "da-da", "ba-ba", "gu-gu", but no "ma-ma" yet. We're working on it though. I say "Ma-ma" and she looks at me and laughs. At least she knows that Mama is me!

I love her more than I ever thought it would be possible to love someone I've only known for a little over a year (I'm counting knowing her during pregnancy -- she definitely had her personality at that time as well). We are going on vacation in a little over a week and I cannot wait to see how Olivia responds to her first visit to the beach. I cannot wait to see what she does with sand on her feet and in her hands. She's so funny when she's learning about new things. You can see the gears turning in her head.

Leaps and Bounds

Olivia had another big week of firsts last week. She finally rolled over from her back to her belly. We found this out every morning when we went in to get her and found her on her belly. Along with this came diaper leakage. For several mornings in a row, we discovered that her diaper had leaked in the front because she was sleeping on her belly. David put some feelers out on Facebook to see what others suggested we try to fix this problem. The consensus was to go up a size on diapers for overnight; we did this (size 3 is HUGE on her tiny little hiney) and it seems to have worked.

Last week was also the introduction of rice cereal. She gets 2 to 3 teaspoons at her second and second-last feedings of the day. Livvie LOVES cereal! She gets so excited when she sees us mixing her bowl and is very vocal. She's doing quite a bit of tongue-thrusting at the moment, but everything is eventually making it to her belly, and I expect this to diminish as she gets used to eating her food rather than just drinking it.

I work four 10-hour days for my job, so my normal weekday off is Tuesday. David took a personal day off work today, so we took Olivia to the Aquarium for the first time. She was absolutely mesmerized by the fish and sharks. She loved going through the tunnels and watching the fish swim over her head. David and I decided to get a Zoo membership for this year. We cannot wait for the weather to get warmer so that we can see how Olivia likes it.

Rounding out nicely

Olivia went back to the pediatrician today for a check on her head. The nurse practitioner said her head is rounding out nicely and while it's still a little flat at the back, it's greatly improved from the last visit. I asked again about introducing cereal and was told to wait a couple of weeks, then we could start rice cereal. I think Livvie's going to like eating from a spoon like a big girl. She sits in her BebePod on our dinner table while we are eating, and we have noticed that she's paying a lot more attention to us while we are eating. She will mimic us by opening her mouth as we open our mouths, and she's very interested in what is on our plates. I'm toying with the idea of making my own baby food. I'm not sure if I will end up doing it or not, but I like the idea.

Big Week

This week was a big one for Olivia. On Tuesday, she went to the doctor for her 4-month check up. There we found out that she came in at 15 pounds 10 ounces (84th %) and 26.75 inches (98th %). We also found out that the nurse practitioner was a little concerned with the shape of her head. The back of her head is pretty flat (no surprise since she spent most of her days laying on her back). The NP told us to get her an infant chair that helps her sit up so she's not spending so much time lying on her back. She said that most cases resolve on their own, but the 5-month mark is the time where the decision needs to be made whether or not to treat with a helmet if the shape does not work itself out. So we went out to Babies R Us after the appointment and bought a BebePod; and Olivia LOVES it! She loves sitting up like a big girl and being in the middle of the action. She sits in her chair up to an hour at a time, and loves to play with her toys; mostly she likes throwing the toys off to the side so that Mommy and Daddy have to fetch them for her. She is also spending a lot more time on her tummy.

At her appointment, the NP asked how her sleeping habits were. We told her that up until Christmas, Olivia had been sleeping 8 to 10 hours straight through every night, but since the craziness of the holidays, she had been waking up at least once during the night pretty much every single night. The NP told us it was time to start teaching her to put herself to sleep; that way if she wakes up during the night, she can put herself back to sleep instead of us having to get up and do it. So that night, we decided now was as good a time as any. We went through her usual bedtime routine: jammies, diaper change, one last bottle, bedtime songs; after the songs, she usually gets rocked to sleep, but this time, we put her in her crib while she was still awake, swaddled and kissed her, told her good night, and left the room. It took a few minutes before she realized that we weren't coming back, and the screaming ensued. I was down in the basement doing my run on the treadmill, and David came down and said the screaming was like nothing he'd ever heard before. We went up every 5 minutes to put her pacifier back in and tell her that she was okay. This went on for about an hour and a half before she gave in and went to sleep, and slept the whole night.

The second night, we did the same exact routine, but went up every 10 minutes, and she screamed for about 35 minutes before going to sleep. The third night I had to close the pharmacy, so David was on his own. He said that he increased the time to 15 minutes and only had to go up once before she was asleep. She did wake up during the night, but we did not go into her room and she put herself back to sleep. As I finish this post, I can tell you that we put her in her bed tonight, she whimpered once and went right to sleep. Ferberizing seems to have worked. My project for next week while on vacation is to get her to sleep in her crib during nap-time. She currently will sleep in her bouncer, maybe in her pack 'n play, or on someone's chest, but never in her crib. I want her to associate being in her crib with going to sleep.

Another big milestone this week is that Livvie is really starting to roll from tummy to back with assistance. She needs a little help with positioning her arm and leg, but once that's done she's rolling all by herself. Hopefully by this time next week she'll be doing it all on her own. At that point, we will probably be taking the bumper pads out of her crib.

One Year Ago Tomorrow

One year ago tomorrow, we found out that wishes really do come true. One year ago tomorrow, our prayers were finally answered. One year ago tomorrow, Hope had been restored in our hearts. One year ago tomorrow, we found out Olivia Hope was on her way.

The past year has simultaneously gone so slowly and flown by so fast. The weeks of pregnancy seemed to drag on with the anticipation of meeting our miracle baby. Once she was here, it was like we blinked and four months had flown by. On Friday, Olivia will be four months old. She holds her head up very well and sits up well with support. She is starting to work on rolling, having almost rolled completely over from back to belly (which is backwards, most babies roll from belly to back first -- she may still do this). I have contradicting wishes every day: on the one hand, I cannot wait for her to be able to sit up by herself so she can sit in her high chair while we eat/do chores. On the other hand, I want her to remain a baby for a long time. I'm not ready for her to gain her independence. I'm not ready for her to want to get down and not want me to hold her all the time. I honestly have to make myself stop thinking about it so much because when I stop to think about how it was only a few short months ago that we brought her home from the hospital, or when I have to pack away her baby clothes that she has outgrown, it makes me want to cry. However, when I start to have these thoughts, I try to think about the upcoming summer and her first trip to the beach with her friend Gabe, and her first time in the swimming pool, and I cannot wait to experience these firsts with her.

Hustle and Bustle takes on a whole new meaning with a newborn in tow

Livvie's first Christmas was so much fun, but we always seem to spend the great majority of our holiday on the road. We started the weekend festivities with Christmas Eve at our house with the Spauldings. Livvie got her first baby doll from Nana and a Violet from her cousins; we have to return the Violet because her friend Gabe already gave her one when she was born. Christmas morning, we did our own little family's Christmas. Santa was very good to Livvie; she got several toys that she will love in the next few months. Then we went to my parents' house for breakfast with the Grandparents and Uncle Jay and Aunt Missy. Livvie got her first hard hat and workbench from her Uncle Jay (who is in construction). After a short nap, it was back on the road to Uncle Tony and Aunt Janet's house for Christmas lunch. Our last trip of the day was up to West Chester to see the Enderle's. It's a long drive, but none of my Dad's relatives had met Liv yet so that stop was a must.

My birthday is the day after Christmas, so more family celebration followed. The last three days have really taken their toll on my poor baby girl. I have come to realize that this baby relies heavily on her routine. You mess with her routine and she becomes a mess. The last three nights, she has woken up at 1 a.m. (she has not done this in at least 6 to 8 weeks). I hope that once we get back to our normal daily routine, she'll sleep through the night again; I don't know how to fix it otherwise -- we didn't do anything special to get her to sleep through the night in the first place, so we're not quite sure how to get her back to doing it if she's still waking up after everything's back to normal.

The First Three Months -- and all the "firsts" that go with it

Olivia's first three months have been nothing short of completely wonderful. She helped hand out candy at her first Halloween, watched Mommy and Daddy eat turkey for her first Thanksgiving, and we are now in the middle of celebrating her first Christmas.

David and I are settling in to our new parenting roles pretty well; we have figured out Livvie's signals: we know when she's hungry, when she needs a change, and when she's done with the stimulation and needs some quiet and a nap. She sleeps an average of 8 to 10 hours a night every night, going down between 9 and 10:30 and sleeping until 7 a.m.; as we understand, she is WAY ahead of the curve on this milestone. There have been some bumps in the road since making the final decision to exclusively feed formula; while she was on Similac Advance, Livvie seemed to have a lot of trouble with spit up. It didn't matter how much or little she ate, whether she was famished or just getting hungry, or how often we burped her, she spent a lot of time spitting up. We asked the doctors about it at a couple of her check ups, but they didn't have any suggestions for us to try because we were already doing what they would suggest. They didn't think it was GERD because she was not uncomfortable during or after eating, there was no projectile vomiting. She was just going through bibs and burp cloths like nobody's business. David was sharing his woes with some of the guys on his gaming forum, and one of them said each of his kids had the same problem until they tried Similac Sensitive for spit up. We gave it a try and were amazed with the results. Livvie can wear the same bib for the whole day and can even go without a bib for a good portion of the day (bibs have been a staple of her wardrobe pretty much since we came home from the hospital).

In all, the first three months have gone as smoothly as we can expect as brand new parents and we can't wait to see what the next three months bring.

One Week Old -- Time Flies!

This last week since Livvie was born could go down in history as the fastest week on record. I feel like we just brought her home yesterday, when in fact it was a week ago today. This week has not been without its bumps in the road.

Olivia HATES nursing. I bring her to my breast and it doesn't matter if she's slightly hungry or starving, she will scream bloody murder, arch her back and push herself away from me. She will not even try to latch on. So I pumped every 3 hours while David fed the expressed breast milk to her at the same time so we could be on the same schedule in the event that we worked out the latching thing. We also supplemented with formula.

I went to visit with a Lactation Consultant on Tuesday and she was wonderful. She got Livvie to latch on with the help of a nipple shield and she actually nursed for 20 minutes. She gave us a bunch of "homework" to do and made a follow up visit for Friday. Yesterday we worked on our homework. She latched on and nursed for 25 minutes or so in the morning. Yesterday afternoon we tried again, but it started to feel like she was biting. I noticed that the shield wasn't drawing enough of the nipple forward so she was getting a bad latch. We tried several more times, but each time it felt like a bunch of tiny knives stabbing me. I continued pumping until last night when I noticed a few little drops of blood on the flange of the breast pump. Then I was done. My mom had called as I was cleaning up, and I talked to her about it. As it turns out, she quit breastfeeding me early for the same reasons: poor latching, pain, bleeding. I felt much better finally making the decision that David and I had been discussing for the past couple of days: I'm no longer going to nurse. Olivia does just fine on formula and it makes all three of us happy. Finding out that I was formula-fed made me feel much better. I never had any major health problems to speak of in childhood, and I was in the top of my class all through school, so I know that formula vs. breast milk doesn't have any major effects on brain development (at least in my case).

Since making this decision last night, we have all been able to sleep better. I enjoy feeding my daughter now; I had gotten to the point that I absolutely dreaded feeding time. I think Livvie can sense my new found sense of calm because she's much calmer at feeding time too. It is the best decision for both of us. Who knows, I may try nursing again with a future baby; or maybe not. Only time will tell.

She's Here!!

Olivia Hope Spaulding was born 9/21/10 at 10:41 am. She was 8 pounds, 4.6 ounces and 21 inches long.

David and I went to bed Monday night after we finished watching House. It was pointless for me because all I did was toss and turn until 1:45 am when I finally gave up and got up to go to the hospital. I slept for maybe 30 minutes. We left for the hospital around 2:10 am and got there at 2:40. We parked in the lot and were getting bags and pillows out of the car when I had a contraction. I didn't think anything of it; I had been having contractions for the last two weeks or better (all Braxton Hicks).

We went up to the LDR floor to check in for the induction. There was another woman there who was being registered, so the nurses at the desk asked us to have a seat in the waiting room and they would call us when they were ready. At 2:50, I got up to use the restroom. I went into the bathroom and felt another contraction. It felt like the first one, and a little different from the Braxton Hicks contractions I had been having up until then. These two were lower and started in the back, radiating around to the front and down my legs. I thought, "these are the real deal". I came back out into the waiting room and sat down next to David and said, "I think I'm having real contractions." Sure enough, I had another one while I was signing the paperwork for the induction. That one actually made me stop writing for a split second. I had another contraction while walking down the hall to the LDR unit.

The nurse brought us in and got me set up with a hospital gown, had me go to the bathroom (I wish I had known, I would've waited!!), and started my IV. I let her know I had had a couple of contractions that started just a few minutes ago, and they were about 8-10 minutes apart. She said okay, and then proceeded to explain the chain of events. I had to be on the fetal heart monitor for 30 minutes before they could start the Pitocin. During that time, my contractions started coming with increasing regularity and strength every 5 to 6 minutes. The nurse came back in at one point and told me that they weren't super excited about the baby's heart rate on the monitor (it was holding in the 120s to 140s, but not staying up in the 140s to 150s long enough for their liking), so they called the doctor who said to hold the Pitocin for 2 more hours. I remember looking at David after the nurse walked out and saying, "You watch, I won't even end up needing that Pitocin." I was right.

The contractions were steadily coming every five minutes; then they started coming faster. After one particularly strong one (whereupon I wound up banging my fist against the side rail of the bed), I called the nurse and asked if I could have something to take the edge off the pain. She left the room and called the doctor, and then came back and asked if I wanted my epidural -- I wanted to weep with relief. The anesthesiologist was in the room in a matter of minutes, and I didn't feel anything after the first pinch when he injected the numbing medication. I felt a small pop when he entered the epidural space in my back, but that was it. In no time, I felt a warming sensation spread down my legs, and the pain of the contractions subsided. My anesthesiologist was great; I felt no pain, but I still was aware that I was having contractions. After the epidural took effect, the nurse checked my progress: I went from 3cm at admission to 6-7 cm 3 hours later. Not bad for a first-time labor.

I drifted in and out of sleep for the next 2 hours or so, and then I started to feel some pressure. The next time the nurse came in to check on me, I mentioned the pressure to her, so she checked again. At this point she looks at me and says, "Are you sure this is your first baby?" What? Yeah -- I'm sure. I think I would've remembered if I had another kid or two at home. She tells me that I'm fully dilated at 10 cm, and she can feel the baby's head right against the cervix -- time to start pushing. One drawback though: my doctor was in the OR at the moment with another patient doing a C-section. I had to wait to start pushing until she was finished. An hour and a half later, she was still in the OR with this patient, so they called another one of the doctors in the practice who came in to deliver me.

I pushed for about an hour before Livvie was born. Once her head was out, it took just one more push for the rest of her to come out. When she was born, they put her up on my chest and the first thing I said was, "Oh my God she looks exactly like me!" And she does; she's my "Mini Me". The nurses took her over and weighed and cleaned her up, and David took pictures. I had to have an episiotomy, so the doctor had to make that repair. All in all, I was very pleased with the relative ease and quickness of this labor and delivery. I made the joke to David that for the next baby, we're going to have to camp out at the hospital starting at week 38. It occurred to me that if this labor had started at home and we waited for the contractions to come every 5 minutes for one hour before calling the doctor and going to the hospital like they want you to, we may not have made it.