Mother's Day presents

We had the families over to our house yesterday for Mother's Day Dinner and had a great time. Our nieces and nephew loved playing outside with the dog and are very excited about their new cousin on the way. Our 5 year old nephew told his mom that the baby needs to be a boy because there are already two girls and only one boy, so we need another boy to make it even. Our 4 year old niece was ready to swear on a stack of Bibles that the baby is a girl. She was so adamant about this that I was afraid that if the baby does turn out to be a boy, I would have to go into witness protection. David gave me flowers for my first "Mommy to be" Day, and my Mom and Dad gave me a sweet Precious Moments figurine.

We went to our 20 week ultrasound and check up today. The ultrasound technician went over every inch of this baby with a fine tooth comb and we were ecstatic to learn that everything looked good and was developing right on pace. She also told us that we're having a girl! I was so excited--I have had a feeling since right after we found out about the baby that it would be a girl. I had a dream that I was sitting in a rocking chair in my parents' house holding a baby in a pink blanket. I had so many people telling me they thought I was having a boy that I started to doubt my feelings--I was so worried that if it was a boy that I would have been a little disappointed. I don't think I would have been, but it's hard to say at this point. The main reason I was so glad it was a girl was because I LOVE the name we have picked out for a girl, but I wasn't as excited about the boy name. We can't wait to welcome Olivia Hope into our family--she will be one spoiled little girl.

Diapers and bottles and what else? Oh my!!

Last night, David and I ventured into the baby store to start our registry. Talk about overwhelming! I had done some research on the "big ticket" items like car seats, strollers, and high chairs, so I knew the safety profiles and recommendations for those, but there were so many little things we didn't even know where to start! How many bottles does one really need if one plans on breastfeeding? I know we at least need some because once I go back to work I'll have to pump. Do they make diaper pails that don't require expensive refills anymore? (They do--it just took a while for us to find one). Do we want a swing? A bouncer? Should we register for the next size carseat even though we'll be using the infant carrier for quite a while? How many sheets and towels does one baby really need? Do they make anything that's not gender specific (but not plain white) so that we can use it for more than one child?

It doesn't help the anxiety level when you have all these questions and a husband with an itchy trigger finger who just wants to point and shoot the gun...it was worse than registering for the wedding! At least I had some idea of what I would need there! We're going to go back and add on later, but I think we'll wait until we find out what we're having.

In the meantime, any suggestions would be greatly welcome: what did you find you could absolutely not live without? What did you register for that you ended up only using once or not at all?

16 week checkup

We had our 16 week check up today and had a good report from the doctor. We got to hear the baby's heartbeat today for the first time, which was awesome. The baby seems to be very shy though; he or she doesn't like their picture taken (at the last ultrasound), and they were trying to run away from the Doppler this morning. After the last two appointments, I told David that we'll probably have a tough time finding out the sex at the next appointment.

We finally made a decision on finding out the sex, by the way. I agreed to find out what we're having as long as we don't make it general public knowledge. My parents have said that they don't want to know, so hopefully this way they won't find out. We'll tell anyone who wants to know, but we're asking that they don't spread the information so that it would get back to my parents or anyone else who doesn't want to know. I realize that it might be difficult to keep it a secret, especially if we receive gender-specific gifts, but we'll do our best. I'm not going to stress about keeping the secret though. If they find out, oh well, there's always next time!

Good Report

We went for our first appointment with my regular OB/GYN today for an ultrasound and estimated due date. I tend to get apprehensive before ultrasounds (the past two anyway) because I'm so afraid that we're going to see that something went wrong. I guess it's just parental worry. Or maybe we've just had so much bad news in the past (both for ourselves and some of our friends) that I'm a little gun shy. Whatever it is, my fears have been relieved. We saw our little peanut today (who is much bigger by the way). It was very active and quite uncooperative. It kept moving around so much that the doctor couldn't get a crown to rump measurement, so for now we're going to go with the fertility specialist's estimation of September 20 for a due date. The doctor did say that "he or she has big feet". Thanks Daddy (and uncles). All the better to kick me with in a few short months I suppose :)

Mommy thinks the activity is the antsiness and general inability to just sit still that is all too prevalent on Daddy's side of the family. Daddy thinks he or she just doesn't like to have its picture taken like Mommy. We'll see :)

As a side note, we've been going back and forth for the past few weeks about whether we should find out the sex of the baby. David wants to know, but I have been on the fence about it. I don't care what the outcome is, but after writing this entry, I would like to be able to say he or she and not it. We'll see; I have about 9 more weeks to make my final decision.

Unexpected Surprise

David and I had decided to pursue another round of In Vitro once the holidays were over. We had all of the financials in place and called the fertility clinic to schedule our next steps. The clinic nurses said to call them on day 1 of my next cycle and I could come in on day 3 for a blood test and start the first round of medications. I had not had a period since before Thanksgiving, so on December 30th, I took a home pregnancy test. It came back negative (no surprise given our history), so I called the fertility clinic and explained that it had been about 6 weeks since my last period but a home pregnancy test was negative. I was familiar with this process. In patients with PCOS, ovulation does not always occur. In my case, if I don't ovulate, I don't have a period (some women do). In the past, when this happened my OB/GYN would have me take a home pregnancy test and then call in a prescription for 5 days of Provera, a synthetic progesterone tablet, to help me have a period. When I told the nurse the results, she said that she would talk to the doctor and then probably call in a prescription for 7 days of Prometrium. I told her I have never used Prometrium and that I have had successful results with the Provera in the past, not to mention Prometrium costs about 10 times as much as generic Provera. She told me that the doctor prefers Prometrium because it is a natural progesterone that can support a potential pregnancy where Provera cannot. I thought to myself, I'm not pregnant so it's no big deal, but I didn't want to have to go in for a blood test that was required before the Provera would be prescribed because it would have ended up costing more time and money in the long run. So I agreed to the Prometrium.

We went to a New Years Eve party at our friends' house, and while it was a great time, it was bittersweet to be the only ones not in the Parents' Club. There were babies asleep upstairs, and a couple of our friends officially announced their pregnancies. I was happy for them (especially TK who had some trouble of her own in the past), but I was jealous as well. I told myself that we were working on it and put the jealousy out of my mind.

I finished the Prometrium on January 5th. With the Provera, I could usually expect the first day of my cycle to be within the next 5 days. So a week passed, and nothing happened. I didn't really think anything of it because I had not had any experience with the Prometrium; maybe it needed more time to work. Another week passed, and I still had nothing happening; not even spotting, which I knew was not right. I figured the Prometrium did not work. I went to dinner with some friends from pharmacy school, and my friend SW asked me how things were going. She and I have been talking fairly regularly because she and her husband are going through the same issues of infertility as we are right now, so we are each other's support. I told her about everything that was happening (or more specifically what was not happening), and she asked me if I could be pregnant. I said, I doubt it. I'm 99% sure I'm not pregnant. She asked me if I took a pregnancy test; I told her I didn't want to. I didn't need it to tell me I wasn't pregnant again; I already knew.

I finally had enough waiting, so I called the clinic and told the nurse that it had been two weeks since I finished the Prometrium and nothing had happened. She told me to come in the next day and the doctor would do an ultrasound to see what was going on. I went in to the office on Tuesday, January 19th, and the doctor came in to the exam room. He said he would use the ultrasound to check the thickness of the uterine lining; if it was thick, he would try the Provera and if it wasn't we could go right in to the first phase of medications for the in vitro without having a period. So he looks at the ultrasound screen and then he says, "Well I see why you're not having a period; it looks like you're pregnant." I was shocked and absolutely sure I had just hallucinated. I couldn't believe it. He congratulated me and said that the Prometrium probably helped provide a little extra to the lining to help with implantation.

I had a blood test done to confirm the pregnancy and the nurse called me later to tell me that my beta HCG was at 1500 and my progesterone levels looked great. We scheduled another ultrasound in two weeks.

I don't remember the drive home. I still don't think I've completely processed the news. David called me and asked how the doctor's appointment went. I asked him if he really wanted me to tell him over the phone. He started to panic thinking that something was wrong; I told him we got our "freebie". He was just as shocked as I was. Many people don't believe in miracles; I do. This is our miracle.

We went back this past Wednesday for our second ultrasound. We were able to see the baby and it's little flicker heartbeat. We called all of our friends to officially share our good news. We told our families the weekend after we found out, but wanted to wait and make sure everything was okay before making it public knowledge. The fertility specialist wished us the best of luck and told us to send them a birth announcement. He then released me back to my OB/GYN. I see her in two weeks. Our official due date was kind of hard to determine since the doctor thinks I ovulated late but we can't be exactly sure when it was, so we have a tentative date of September 20.

Good to go for the new year

We have everything in place to start our next fresh cycle of IVF after the holidays. I called the fertility specialist last week and they said all I have to do is call on day 1 of my next cycle and we'll start the whole process again. We hope this one is the cycle for us.

This year for Christmas David and I decided not to get each other gifts. Instead, we bought ourselves a treadmill. I'm very excited to have a piece of exercise equipment that I can use everyday without having to drive to the gym. We used to belong to a gym, but after working on your feet for 10 hours, the last thing you want to do is drive 20 minutes to a crowded gym and have to circle for a working treadmill or elliptical. My motivation for using the treadmill is Grey's Anatomy. I am only allowing myself to watch Grey's while on the treadmill. I'm hoping that this will become a daily habit that will keep me healthy and reduce stress not only during the IVF cycle but also during the resulting pregnancy.

New Year, New Baby?

After a lot of thought and discussion, David and I have decided to go for another fresh cycle. We 've been saving for the process and hope to be able to start again after the holidays. There's no way we would survive the hectic in vitro process if it were combined with the holiday craziness. By doing this fresh cycle again, we also hope to have more embryos to freeze so they can join our two little Popsicles already in the freezer. In the mean time, I'm trying not to succumb to the wave of panic that threatens to wash over me from time to time saying that we're running out of time and we need to get started soon. I'm only 28, I'll be 29 in December. My mom didn't have her first child until 32. So many women are choosing to wait until their mid-30s to even think about starting a family. I know it's not a race (not against time or other people), and when it's the right time it will happen...hopefully.